<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Sir, This is a Wendy's by CharredLog</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25920871">Sir, This is a Wendy's</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharredLog/pseuds/CharredLog'>CharredLog</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The FFXIV Zaibatsuverse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XIV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Join Cat Girls Fur Hire on Data Center Crystal Zalera, My party decided to go full crackhead and semi-RP, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:46:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25920871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharredLog/pseuds/CharredLog</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Some people are just trying to do their job, and some people are personally responsible for two world wars. Cherry is the single braincell that keeps Spunky from starting WW3 and sometimes even that isn't enough.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The FFXIV Zaibatsuverse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1881160</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sir, This is a Wendy's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/NekuRemix/gifts">NekuRemix</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't know what this is.</p><p>Everyone gets namedropped so you can search them up on the Lodestone website, enjoy this documentation of the Zaibatsu's (a Discord server I'm a part of) party chat translated onto our characters.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cherry Novem, a Miqo'te with snow white hair and piercing red eyes, flicked her ears and wrinkled her nose as her sandals sank into the muddy lands by the edges of the Quarrymill. Realistically, she shouldn't be wearing her hard earned attire from Costa del Sol in this muddy, rainy wasteland that more closely resembles the ancient city of London than anything else, but she worked hard for this and even dyed it purple and goddamnit she was gonna show the outfit off. On top of that, she just finished doing some unlicensed therapist work for Jehantel to get over his survivor victim PTSD, and her day was NOT going well.</p><p> </p><p>All of a sudden, she felt the familiar pressure of communication magic tingling at her ear, and the voice of Spunky Narukami, fellow Miqo'te, intrepid partner in crime, main reason for becoming an adventurer, and also the single greatest threat the world has ever seen, held back only by the dedication of 90% of Cherry's brain power, resonated in her head. "Cherry! Sweety! Daughter! My proverbial child whom I raised and is the reason I'm climbing out of debt! How are you? Don't tell me now, I don't really care. Come to Ul'Dah! The company is here and we're having lunch at Ye Olde Wendy's."</p><p> </p><p>Cherry massaged her temples to stem her rapidly mounting headache. "First of all, you literally walked up to me in New Gridania, screamed 'CHILD', and gave me 70,000 gil. I did not ask for this. Second of all, what the fuck is a Wendy's. Third of all, please don't tell me you're interacting with any employees."</p><p> </p><p>Spunky's smirk was almost visible trough her tone. "I can already see the waiter. I'll be ordering right abooooooout... Now!"</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the communication cuts off and Cherry is left with a deep sense of foreboding. She instantly casts long-distance communication magic and connects to Aelita Lyoka, self-proclaimed master Ankle Biter and her proverbial second mother. Father? Aelita is definitely more of a father figure than balls-to-the-wall insane Spunky. Thoughts for a different time. "Aelita I know you're with Sunky and I need you to promise me that under no circumstances is Spunky allowed <em>anywhere near the kitchen</em>."</p><p> </p><p>Aelita's confused voice filtered through Cherry's head. "Um...? Okay? Can I ask why?"</p><p> </p><p>"Last time Spunky was in a kitchen Archduke Franz Ferdinand ended up dead. We can't let anything like that happen again."</p><p> </p><p>Aelita let out a noise of affirmation. "Okay. Point taken. Also would it kill you to call more? I need to know how my child is doing more often or I'll start getting grey hairs." Cherry let out a put-upon sigh and rubbed her temples with renewed vigor.</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, okay, fine dad-"</p><p>"..."</p><p>"..."</p><p>"...Well I'm glad you see me that w-"</p><p>"SEE YOU IN UL'DAH AELITA". Cherry cut the flow of magic, ignored the furious burn in her face, and immediately cast Return to head to the Steps of Nald.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After arriving in Ul'Dah and seeing a hastily painted sign reading "yE oLDe WEndY'S" being taken down from the archway above the entrance to the Adventurer's Guild, she knew exactly where she would find her dear headache undoubtedly making a scene. She strode forward in her summer-themed garb, covered in rain and mud, nursing a migraine, and just about ready to have a bad time. Cherry slammed open the doors to the Guild and was met with the worst possible sight she could ever imagine.</p><p> </p><p>Spunky interacting with an employee.</p><p> </p><p>"Look, all I'm saying is I want a Dr. Pibb Xtra Cherry! That's not too hard right?"</p><p> </p><p>Spunky was sitting down at one of the circular tables situated in the center of the Guild. She was, objectively speaking, a very beautiful Miqo'te, sporting wavy mint green hair, fair skin, a slender figure, and wearing her own blue-dyed summer outfit. But her eyes radiated an unnatural level of mischief that Cherry knew heralded far worse times than whatever Bahamut threatened to bring upon Eorzea. To her right, sat Aelita, short Lalafell stature requiring her to sit on a set of thick tomes so she could peek over the table, and Cherry immediately noticed how her eyes were basically glued to Spunky with a plea for her to stop whatever she was doing shining in them, a plea that goes summarily ignored. To Spunky's left sits Xori Molkot, a buxom, dark-skinned Miqo'te sporting Black Mage's robes and an uncomfortable expression on her face. Sitting in a chair pulled up beside Spunky and Aelita, sat Aukin Chulainn, a male Miqo'te that towered over most of them and was obviously very proud of the fact. His silver hair was up in a ponytail, and he carried the poise and grace of an experienced warrior. An experienced warrior who was doing his absolute best to not burst out in hysterical laughter at Spunky's current antics. </p><p> </p><p>As Cherry sat down in the seat across from Spunky, she shot a silent, commiserating look at the waiter, a longtime friend of the company called Auth Vaeros, an Au Ra Xaela that looked horribly out of place dressed down in worker's attire instead of his hulking paladin's gear. Auth gave Cherry a look that screamed 'Please help me and/or end my suffering'. Cherry braced herself and began the delicate operation of defusing the ticking time bomb that was Spunky asking for a nonexistent drink.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey Spunky? I don't think anyone here even knows what... whatever it is you just ordered is. Can't you just order mead or ale like literally everyone else at this table?"</p><p> </p><p>As if to accentuate Cherry's point, Aelita and Xori raised their mugs, and because he's a little shit, Aukin hid his under his chair and shot Cherry a shit-eating grin. Auth most definitely noticed this and tightened his grip on his notepad, sending Aukin a seething glare. Spunky seemed either unaware of uncaring of this interaction and simply looked at Cherry with a (falsely) beatific smile. </p><p> </p><p>"Cmon Cherry, I'm not making any unreasonable demands here. Any Wendy's worth its franchisee's salt should have some Dr. Pibb Xtra Cherry. It's a staple and totally not a mix of two other sodas!". Cherry sighed. How many time has she sighed in the past 10 minutes? She was gonna need a therapist after this, not Jehantel. Hopefully a licensed one too.</p><p> </p><p>Auth grit his teeth in a forced smile. "Ma'am. This is the Adventurer's Guild. Not a 'Wendy's'.", he accentuated with very aggressive air quotes. "Please order something you know we serve. I know you're capable of it."</p><p> </p><p>Spunky propped a delicate hand on her chin, and after a moment of contemplation, proceeded to make everything even worse.</p><p> </p><p>"Could I get a Big Mac?"</p><p> </p><p>Auth stared at Spunky for a solid second, and decided to hit the "fuck it" button on that interaction before he shoved his pencil somewhere that would cripple Spunky permanently. Auth then turned his gaze towards Cherry, who was doing her best impression of an irritated tomato. "May I please have your order, ma'am?". The words sounded like they were clipped with shears and it was obvious to everyone that he was holding back from unleashing righteous fury on the mahogany table. It'd come out of his paycheck. He knew from experience. </p><p> </p><p>Cherry shared a <em>look</em> with Aelita, who seemed to be almost dripping with sweat, and then looked back at Auth. "I'll just have a tankard of Ale and some fowl, thanks."</p><p> </p><p>Auth seemed happy for the distraction of a considerate customer, but as he was writing the order down on his poor, crumpled notepad, Aukin chimed in with his own fresh piece of customer service hell. "Hey Auth could I get some fish eggs? Thanks buddy."</p><p> </p><p>Auth turned very slowly, and looked at Aukin with a renewed Patented Death Glare. "Aukin, we are in a godsdamned desert. Why in the seven hells would we have fish eggs here," he said in a tone that promised pain.</p><p> </p><p>"I dunno man I just want my fish eggs."</p><p> </p><p>"We. Don't. Have. Fish eggs."</p><p> </p><p>"Ok but like can I see if you have them."</p><p> </p><p>Spunky suddenly jumps on the table. "Ooh ooh! I know how to make something that tastes just like fish eggs with some fowl and vegetables! Let me go in the back and I can make them!"</p><p> </p><p>Cherry and Aelita both tensed the moment Spunky suggested going into the kitchen. Spunky in a kitchen is a catalyst for doom and they were ready to do just about anything to stop her. Cherry surreptitiously dipped a finger into her bag, and towards a vile of tranquilizer. Yes, Cherry had become an Alchemist for the sole purpose of designing a (harmless) tranquilizer just for Spunky. We don't talk about what spurred her to make this decision. Aelita, for her part, was quietly gathering up magic to cast a sleep spell if things got out of hand. Luckily (or as lucky as anything can be when the Guild was on the verge of witnessing untold horrors), Auth was steadfast in his determination to keep an incident from occurring.</p><p> </p><p>"Ma'am please get off the table."</p><p> </p><p>"Cmoooooon, I know you let people back there sometimes if they have new recipes to share! I'm another valued customer right? Ooh, I could also order a skillet cookie straight from the chefs. Maybe even bake it myse-"</p><p> </p><p>Cherry immediately dipped her finger in the tranquilizer and proceeded to, in a show of... whatever you consider the opposite of ladylike to be, shove her finger in Spunky's nose. The effect was immediate, Spunky's eyelids fluttering shut and her body dropping heavily on top of the table, supported by Cherry (who was trying very hard not to wipe her finger off immediately for risk of dropping Spunky) and Aelita. Auth just looked flabbergasted. Xori was very probably tipsy if the empty tankards around her that Cherry was sure she had swiped from the rest of the table while they were preoccupied were any indication. Aukin was quite literally rolling on the floor out of laughter and could be heard occasionally muttering "fish eggs" in between bouts of laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Cherry looked up at Auth and she was sure her pupils were the pinprick slits they became whenever she was aiming her bow in the heat of battle. "Never. And I mean never, let Spunky in a kitchen, and especially not to bake"</p><p> </p><p>Auth just stared at Cherry. "...I'm just gonna go bring these orders out now. Please take your mom-" "She's not my mom!" "-off of the table while I get back" he says at last, and wanders into the kitchens like a man who has just returned from war.</p><p> </p><p>"I am so tired of today..." Cherry sighed. To her surprise, the voice of a suddenly wide awake Spunky sounded in her ear.</p><p> </p><p>"And I am... inevitable"</p><p> </p><p>Spunky's legs coiled, tensed, and shot her off the table toward the kitchen doors. </p><p> </p><p>"OH GODDAMNIT SPUNKY NO GET BACK HERE I SWEAR TO THE GO-"</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Cherry, Aelita, Aukin, Xori, Spunky, and Auth stood outside the smoking ruins of the Adventurer's Guild. Aelita was trying her very best to comfort a distressed Cherry, who was rapidly adjusting the formula for her tranquilizer in a notepad while looking like she was the PTSD archer with survivor's guilt. Xori was passed out on the floor, curled up like a house cat and muttering something about "unskippable cutscenes" and "long as fuck trials". Aukin had a plate of what anyone who didn't know what happened in the kitchen would think is fish eggs, and Spunky was spooning chunks of a skillet cookie into her mouth. Auth was fired. </p><p> </p><p>Cherry paused in her delirious muttering to sigh and shove her head in her hands. This was gonna be hell on their company funds. And her migraines. </p><p> </p><p>'<em>How the hell do you even cause an explosion by dropping a spoon AFTER you're already done cooking? What kind of eldritch powers of chaos does she even have?'</em></p><p> </p><p>Cherry casts a glance at Spunky, who catches her eye and proceeds to portion out a spoonful of skillet cookie. Spunky walks over to Cherry's slumped form and shoves the spoon in her face.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey hey, we're Cat Girls 'Fur Hire', right? We can work off this bill in no time flat! So just take it easy yeah? Oh, and I promise I won't purposefully build an immunity to your next tranquilizer" Sunky quips with a lopsided grin and a light in her eyes. Aelita, still beside Cherry, gives her a reassuring nod, Aukin throws a lazy thumbs up from his spot, having since cleared his plate of "fish eggs", Xori did absolutely nothing because she was still passed the hell out, and Auth... Cherry would pretend she didn't see Auth rocking back and forth in a corner whispering about explosions and what Cherry really hoped wasn't his lamentation of cutting down his "cat girl titty" budget. Thoughts for another day.</p><p> </p><p>Through the fog of the event she was sure she would be emotionally repressing for at least a month, she came to the recurring realization that even if she had to give up the chance at being a normal, moderately successful adventurer living a cozy life, there's no other place she'd rather be than with these painfully weird characters.</p><p> </p><p>Cherry sighed, and took the offered spoon into her mouth. Spunky's eyes shined. </p><p> </p><p>It was a damn good skillet cookie.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>